Some say that we can do so much by loving ourselves. And that no one could really make us special except through ourselves.
Everyday, i always try to believe that no ones gonna be there for me. I will live my life alone and i will rescue my own self whenever i feel sad or lonely. I laugh with myself alone and giggle till im contented. And share everything of me, to me alone. Its like a monocycle, you balance yourself to avoid from falling and a monocular to see things only by your own. Day by day, im convinced that everything will be forever the same. And so i bleed.
When the time comes i feel like tired, i was there. Who would be there anyway if not my own? Every passing moment is an opportunity to seize. The joy and the laughter, the tears and sadness all by your own.
Oftentimes i reminisce of a tale wished by everybody around me, i always hear them say of how wonderful could a story be. I just sigh silently in the corner and simply closed my eyes and pray. I know there will always be reasons as to when it would come true. I waited patiently and eagerly because i could not think of answers as of the moment. I have nothing to lose anyway.
Years along the way could be so tiring, as a student, as a brother, as a friend, as a Christian and as a lover. But then again, i never quit walking. There had lots of stumbling blocks as i walk by, and my wounds are pretty obvious. I never stopped until i reached an old oak tree. There i gently put my back on its trunk and its so comforting to be under its shade in a bright sunny day. I miss those times-being an innocent and juvenile lad. I can still recall how shallow my happines were. And everything works out so well, with a candy or a toy for instance, as a reward. Countless instances, the same thing happened. I walk the trip all by myself. No one’s passing my way, and i gladly move forward.
Few days ago, i realized Its saddening when you seem to be so optimistic in your life. Because oftentimes, you are vulnerable to pain. Its always. It gives you false hope that everything will be better when in fact its not. It gives you false assurance of love that somehow its going to work and will lead you bleeding instead. Its ironic. Unfortunately its true. The last time I was hurt, its horrible. I can hardly eat or even attend my classes. It stops me from going to social gatherings. My friends are worried and my parents begin to notice. But I never said a word to anyone. I kept everything inside me because I was damn broken to care for other people. All the love and joy had vanished, whats left is an empty, broken and shattered heart. And the last time I was hurt, I said goodbye to everything. And without knowing, I have to go over again with the same story, twice, thrice and more. As expected, I bade goodbye many times in my life.
Today, I can no longer imagine what my heart looks like. After all, I still want to feel love, I crave for love more and more. Its rewarding to feel that after a sad story, a bad stormy day, there you go again, ready to be hurt, let go, move on and fall inlove again.
And now, I guess I am inlove. I’m inlove with a strange candy named L****. I dont know what that person feels for me but its ok whatever it is. We are too far from each other and It misses me everyday like my sweet sweet fairy. I think of L at night when I sleep, I can see the face in my reviewer and in my presentations at day. Im acting like crazy and weird lately since I met this candy and I like it how it feels to love a person even youre far or without expecting something in return.
That candy, is the reason why i am writing this. Its sadness and tears makes me so weak inside. Please dont be sad. Im here.
P.S. To my sweet, sweet candy. Be sweet still. I will buy you soon. I will bring you at home and i will let you feel love. I miss you.
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