Coping up..

i can still remember the night that i had my heart broken. i still remember the way we talked and the coldness of the surrounding. and the feeling of being snatched from cloud 9 and doomed to hell's eternal flame. i seemed to feel that for a second im being heartless and numb and before i realized, my tears started to pour on my cheeks leaving me an ugly swollen eyes.. it hurt so bad that all i want is to forget the pain and slit the very source of my life..

i went home and ponder what happened. i calculated how 

it gone wrong and why it ended that way. i fell when i realized that it was me, after all, who have done the wrong thing and it was my decision to let things go.. its bad, im bad.  after a couple of hours analyzing, i slept it all up hoping to find answers. but then i never slept, i only got a soaked pillows of regret and pain. after the morning came, i noticed that everything has not ended. i can feel the freshness of the air and so with the freshness of my wound deep within..

days after the sad story which i thought has totally find a closure, again, i made a mistake. our story never really ended, it was just a false drama of loneliness and goodbyes.. actually, the story continues until now and we were able to patched everything. now, we are still together. again. for the nth time. and im happy with it that we were able to find a better solution than breaking up.

my point is, try to give chances and allow chances to work on the relationship again. no matter how gloomy and shaky the relationship is, dont give up that easily. sometimes, you need to gamble. thats why we should not be afraid in taking risks and for allowing the chance to heal again the wounds of our hearts.

Faceless heart

As i got outside the taxi, i have seen myself rushing through my doors.. I cant think of a word to say but as i remember, i feel like its the physical death of a love one.. The pain, the throbbing pain that you could hardly do a thing but look in idle, with empty mind and a hollow heart.. Its really painful to have lost a love one. After all the times you have spent with each other, those very precious moments that you never even think of, would be gone. And would now be apart of your long list of sad memoirs. 

But then again, i should be strong. I should keep myself standing despite the tormenting pain i feel in my heart. If not for the people i love, then maybe, i, myself deserve something rewarding and joyful. And where in the world can i find that happiness i have been searching? *sigh* Only time can tell. And really, with sheer determination and courage, everything will be well.. Sooner or later, i will be seeing myself again in that state of happiness. So i dont lose hope. Everything will be fine Glenn.

 A reminder of a used-to-be hope of a one true love

Single..Lol

for days of waiting and hoping, i guess its about time to move on. I gave my time and my patience but eventually, i got tired of being so kind and forgiving.. so now, i let everything go. Although we never comunicated since ages but time is up for us. So if ever you are readng this right now, sorry babe. . i got tired, and i realized that love is not enough. i mean, we both know how important love is in our relationship but i want you to know that there is something more that we can explore, we all have the good things in life. We could be happy with our lives apart. im sure with that. SO from now on, let us just forget that there is between us.  Thanks for a one happy story with you..

LOoOoOoOVeee

Why in my ever lonely world have I to be lonely like this? 

Isn’t everything I have done is not enough for me to be happy? 

Why in my loneliness I can still feel this ever dreadful feeling. 

When I chose to have life, wouldn’t also mean to smile or to laugh around? 

When everything else is doomed to fall, am I not spare from getting things broken? 

Had I been bad in the days of my youth? 

For a man to suffer like this, I never had any explanation left for all I have done is as always to protect this sadness. All my days, I always believe that someday, what matters is not the agony and misery I have felt now and then but how I emerge to be someone better or best even if things are not so permissive. I believe that what is left in me would still work for me for good. I hope that this ever elusive love would someday take its rest in me and that there will be pain no more, no more selfish arguments, no more cruel judgment and finally, to pretend that all is well would no longer be an excuse to smile. 

Hands from Heaven

How often do you see your life in the roads of darkness? How well did you fair through your life as trials and despair struck your vulnerable heart? And how better did you become as you go on with life inspite of the mistakes you have incurred in the past? Can you count the ways and the times you comfortably sit and talked with your love ones despite the heaviness you feel inside?

Indeed, there must be something or someone that made you feel better whenever pain, sorrow and agony strike your heart. You feel better not because your emotions subsided for good but because there is God that made the whole thing alot better despite your distance to Him, despite your unfaithfulness and despite your disobeying attitude. There must be really God that forgives and eases the burden away and made you feel new and whole again. There is really God.

Oftentimes, doubt attacks us. Prior events of misery and sense of hopelessness draw us away from God. And that, God feels sad whenever we took our way out from Him. We are all selfish, we are only concerned with our feelings, of how intense our emotions were and how we were greatly carried away by it, but thats not the point. Its not about our emotions or how we feel but its OUR FAITH towards God. Yeah, we all feel grief and noone is spared from that. But our life is not about  how happy or sad we feel, its all about God. Its all about Him that everyday in our lives He sustains us through everything. We get good grades not because of our superb ability to analyze questions and give correct answers but it is how our good Lord inspires us to do all things with His guidance, with His intellect and His unconditional Love. Always, we forget about God, We fail to give Him thanks in the morning for a good night and later in the day as we commit mistakes, we forget to ask for His forgiveness. It is sad, i can say because this very thing i am talking is the one i have experienced that made me so regretful. God did not ask everything from me, neither  my whole time, my presence and my day. He just ask for a moment for me to talk to Him. But what i did, i squandered everything. 

Really, im ashamed all i have done. I remembered one familiar sentence, "In the pursuit of wrongdoing, one steps away from God." Have it appeared to you this line with its heaviness? Have you reconsidered the times you were awfully wrong and yet you continue to live your life in the squabbles of nothingness and vanity? I am no perfect person nor a righteous man. All of the life's unavailing journey, i have been into it but what have i got? Nothing. Now, is the time of reconcialiation. There is no right time in going back to God. Everyday is an opportunity to be with Him. 

Wherever i am now, I can be certain that no matter how many times i folded and slipped, the Loving mercy of my God will make a way for me. 

All for the Love of MY COUNTRY

I know there is something to hope for, for a FILIPINO like me, who was born from a distinct blood. Where the east and the west met, there my civilization was nurtured. Strong and fierce, kind-hearted and meek who greatly love his nation as well as his ancient past. In the midst of trying times and in victory as A NATION, we never parted ways and together we stand. We have learned that we are better off united than having disputes among ourselves.

The generation of greed and colonialism has improved. We are no longer the ones being put into slavery but instead, we moved on and fight as A strong nation, capable of breaking the walls of division and making a way for hope and love to reign our hearts. Its true that for many years, conquerors from the Hispanic roots has ruled to our nation for almost 300 years and we are enslaved and looked down- for Filipinos before we're as ignorant as a monkey; Americans brought democracy but in the other way made use of our rich resources; Japanese torn down every structure that we have earnestly founded and left our land, a broken and hopeless tomorrow. But then again, we never stopped, we kept on going and building a new and hopeful future. For every piece of destruction, a handful of chances gave us the opportunity to build again a renewed PHILIPPINE nation.

Dictatorship from the hands of Marcos, again, has stolen our sense of pride. With iron fist and haunting sight of downfall has shaken our hearts and imbued fears in our eyes. Political harassments and left and right insurgency has crippled our valued tag as the only country where majority are living in Christ's way of life. BUt FILIPINOS never run out of heroes. Spectators from different places accross the globe witnessed the untimely demise of Ninoy, the one who courageously said that Filipinos are worth dying for, and indeed, his death was never in vain. From the far-flung north and south, FILIPINOS gathered and condemned the dictators way and has made a unifying force of change. Yes, a radical change that opened the eyes of all people in this world that everything is possible when men of the same purpose and hope, stand together and claimed back what has been stolen. And then, Marcos fled. FILIPINOS are triumphant as we celebrate our victory, bringing back the democracy. So who would forget what happened at EDSA? Every February we commemorate the heroic acts of FILIPINOS and also of Ninoy's heritage to all the people. And it is democracy.

Now, We Filipinos, has learned our lesson. Bitter and painful in a way but could really make a difference. From the time immemorial until the now, we should remember every journey that we, as a NATION had overcame and won. In this very trying times of crises and competition among all the nations, we have made a bold step. There is always hope. And always, we will remember the past that we had. From now on, i know Philippines has a lot to shine and be proud of. And slowly but surely, we are gaining back our Fame, our Honor, as the ever valuable PEARL OF THE ORIENT SEAS. Moments from now, we can see a history repeating itself, back to the time when we ranked at the paramount of Asia, an ever growing nation that could not be denied of progress, prosperity and peace.

My dear friends, we can do better, let us join hands in building again the roads towards a developed nation.

Godbless the Philippines

Pain in my Heart

I can never fully imagined how i had fared so well in this little crazy adventure of life. Honestly, the way i see it totaly amazes me coz for someone like me, its really hard to be me. Its hard to please all my wants and its difficult to give in to my whims and caprices. I was once a spoiled kid and today i wonder if i remained the same. I enjoy doing things that arouse my curiosity, things that in some way bring me to new ideas.

Happiest piece of Cake

And oh, its been a while since my mother used to carry me and let me sleep. I trully miss those times, even i can hardly remember how it feels to be carried and being watched to sleep by someone that loves you whole-heartedly, i am wanting to feel that again. Really, time flies so fast. Im 20, and few days from now i will be leaving my college life, as a college boy. I will be introduce to a newer world, and hopefully, it is of my like. What i expect in that new place? A new sense of hope, of love and happiness. Something not new but an indelible proof of being alive and having a life. For too long now, i am walking in despair. Desperately speaking, im longing for the love and care that i had felt before in my mom's warm embrace. I know its not something so costly but i tell you, it never comes for free that you can get it anytime as you like. It needs time, love and understanding that fills the emptiness and complete the remaining puzzle of one's life. It needs a pint of emotion and a willingness to freely submit to fate's maneuvering, and again, the possibilities of spending the best and the worst of you, in terms acceptable not only to me, but also, in you.

And where in the world could i find such?

Now tell me, can our paths possibly cross with each other? Wouldn't i be scared if someday, we'll be just as what we are right now, so far and so lonely? I am afraid, this kind of pain and assuming hope would be in vain.